The History of Nerd Alert is long and distinguished much like my penis.


Beginnings MC
A lot of us have played since WoW started, we first got together in a guild called DoA. Highlights from that era included server first kills on Onyxia and up to Golemag in MC and alliance first on Rag. We had the server first kill on Razorgore in BWL months before anyone else using a turn based strat that we nor anyone else was ever able to replicate. Many on the server resented DoA mainly because we liked to link epics in IF. This practice continued until the guild leader was warned by GMs for his guild members being A-Holes, after the warning the practice only intensified (This would prove to be a pattern for future behavior).

Hi-lights of this time included guild members being paid to secretly pull bosses onto the raid, the start of Warlock loot collusion, the MC Drinking Game (not that I was fucking included douchebags), heals on Edgar, the 8 warlock Garr strat, stealing all the tranq shot hunters from our alliance, Group 2, heavy mic breathing, and a million more stories that are rehashed weekly on vent.

Phase 2 P o s e i d o

We hit a rough patch when our guild leader disappeared and then re-appeared at random times to be a douche. We decided to solve our problems by abandoning the noble DoA name and forming a new guild named P o s e i d o. This was necessary to escape some deadwood, and because we wanted to steal the guild bank from people that hadn't played for several months, how dare we take what we brought to the guild. Honestly I still have problems sleeping at night from the guilt.

Too augment our new guild we decided to merge with the remnants of Shadow Crew, some jobber ass guild that had broken up. There were 2 groups from SC, one went on to great success in BWL and AQ, the other one Toga decided would be better to merge with. At least Jelly is still around. So um yeah I guess it worked out, I mean without Jelly who else would have vent comments of dudes sucking their own dicks.

BTW officially the name P o s e i d o came about because Twilbur and I wanted to see if we could introduce a word we basically made up into conversation and have it become part of normal conversation. The word at least in our minds was from the spanish word to be possessed or owned. The spelling P o s e i d o rather than Posiedo was because a guild member's roommate was taking a spanish class and thats the way it was spelled....

Also the SC guys wanted to call the guild AIDS, so that we could do BG's and tell everyone "HAHAH you got AIDS"....Thanks again Jelly.

Other hi-lights of this time included the grand conspiracy of mass leaving DoA and keeping it a secret. Back in the day there were 40 raiders and probably another 10 or so that would be sitting each night. I am proud to say that there was only 1 leak out of the 50 or so people that were going to be involved in the move. I am not going to say who the leak was other than just to say he is a creepy pedophile from Belgium.

Also when we merged with SC we took ever their vent but they first had to un-ban 2 of our officers.... (btw the bannings were Korithan's fault)

Nonetheless onto BWL and Beyond P O S E I D O

BWL

So here we were in a new guild, tensions were high and we were in an unfamiliar difficult new raid instance. We spent the first 2 years(<---hyperbole) in the new guild getting people attuned to BWL, and we still ran MC and we had to deal with new ideas from the SC people, such as grouping the adds on Rag WTF???, not playing healer bounty on Baron, and some wierd nonsense about dropping the orb and running around and then having someone else pick up the orb on Razorgore.

We made good progress through BWL, we had killed Vael while still under the DoA tag and I believe we dropped Brood Lord in our 2nd our 3rd week of raiding. Firemaw was a bitch and was a cock block every week, Ebonroc we killed our first time facing him, Flamegor wasnt too bad. Chro-Marty McFly was a couple of nights of attempts at least but was fun. Nef was a bitch but we got him without too much of a struggle.

Other hi-lights, bop the tank vael strat (its not the strats fault its the players), zin's tanking mod, the failure of our hunters to kite the adds before chro-mag, Elaglo ganking our guild leader in BEAR FORM AT THORIUMS POINT WITH 3 FUCKING ALLIANCE RAIDS STANDING THERE, the hunter And 1 names A-YO!, hunters missing out on trinkets because they were in IF buying flasks for tanks and the raid was like fuck it pull, the sad mace story, the sacrficial mages on trash, Chompers alt having better gear than all our tanks, and me passing out while handing out loot from rag (yeah we still ran MC)

Ennui and waiting forever for AQ

At long last our disdain for the server reared its ugly head. In my spotty alcohol hazed recollection there were a series of steps needed to be taken to be the person that opened the gate, I believe there were 3 alliance players that met those steps, 2 of them agreed to roll to see who would have the support of the alliance and 1 was left out. I will let the readers of this post guess who was left out.

Our relations with the server further disenegrated when we attempted to take part in server events in Silithus, lolz our task was often relegated to pwning horde which we did with great success https://cid-43c6d3a48c832803.skydrive.l ... husPvP.wmv dunno if that link will work. Month after month we stewed and waited for AQ, that was going to be our big score. Month after month we kept going through BWL and MC. Month after month we heard about Mav's 7.5, month after month wow really started feeling like a horrible grind (at least to your humble narrator)

Finally AQ opened, the server event the opening night was horrible and laggy, it was cool seeing the big bugs walking around but honestly I didn't give a fuck I just felt bad for Keeker getting screwed.

Memorable events during this time, summoning people to the Dire-Maul Arena to kill them (Again why was I left out????), farming cloth until I realized fuck the server AQ would open when it opened, BWL MC BWL MC BWL MC, Silithus PVP, I think edgar and uni-lux both got their Thunderan at this point in time. The test server raid that Toga ruined, that I pay tribute too with every rez.



to be continued....

Part Deux of Eleventeen

After posting the first part of our glorious history I was lax in mentioning a crucial part of our make up. That would be PVP, a lot of our members thrived on PVP even before the battlegrounds.

I remember the days of yore well. The two top guilds on the server were on the alliance side DoA on the Horde side Depraved. Major Domo had no loot and so both guilds were bored...Depraved practiced killing no loot Domo for a month (perhaps thats why they got Rag first!!!!!) While DoA combed STV for baby hordies looking to level. Eventually things came to a boil and it became clear that there needed to be a duel between the two finest guilds deathwing has ever seen. We decided to meet in the Stonealon mountains and duke it out, no BG, no interferance, no LIMITS. 40 on 40, of course both sides fucking cheated, I am pretty sure I can call to mind the 63 different horde characters I saw. I kid you not the scene was straight out of Braveheart, our noble guild saw the mass horde of Horde (get it) but our hearts were strong and our cocks were hard. Both sides charged in and of course we owned the fuck out of them. There were wild accusations of cheating and so we rezzed the dead, like 1 on our side compared to 63 for them and we buffed up again for round 2. Round 2 started and much like always we owned the fuck out of them.

PVP was different back in those days, it wasn't about trying to motivate 5 afk idiots to guard a flag or 20 afk farmers to do anything in AV. There was a nebulous honor system that assigned pvp ranks! We had fun with world pvp, there were 2 regular groups that would go to the entrance of the undercity and take on all comers until after being outnumbered 10 to 1 they would get bored owning and hearth out. I remember my group, myself a night elf druid and a night elf hunter would be shadowmelded in a corner while our friend a gnome mage would sit on the ground with the AFK flag flying. After several hours we were on the zeplin for some reason and I stated AFK The New Star Wars Movie preview, needless to say without my epic heals they were killed and I was blamed.

When Battlegrounds were introduced oh what a wonderous day it was, or the GRIND really began. Night after night the WSG group would go at it. Most of the times we won, the exceptions were the 4 priest 6 mage team that omgwtfbbqrolfownedpwnzerd everyone, or so it felt. There were hilights, the capping the flag from the 12 man valahalla team all in the flag room, trust me they were there, it was a horde exploit. There was the one PVPer where the grind to the Grand Marshall ranking melted his brain (I am not one to name names but apparantly he used to have syrup on his sweat pants a lot in high school)

The hi-light for us was AV. Back in the day when AV was introudced the Horde on Deathwing owned AV, mainly because they were to pussy for WSG. Anyway for several months the Alliance never won an AV and they quickly quit, being server outcasts we didn't give a fuck and were content to let the Alliance idiots slobber all over themselves. The grand hope for the alliance were the Witch Hunter 6 hour pre-made attempts, I spent some time in these attempts, I rememebr spending spending several hours in the mine, and mass turn ins to spawn the big ass druid. Everytime we would spawn the druid he would be killed before getting though the field of strife...

Anyways, so there we were doing the interminable wsg matches and of course we owned so hard that there were no more matches to be had, we ran to the barrens horde WSG portal and there was no-one there. With no other options for honor we zoned into AV. What happened next is legend that has faded into the past but in this realm will never be forgotten. Our WSG team quickly rolled back the inevitable horde onslaught and fought back, as we took graveyards and towers word of our exploits spread and other guilds qued for our AV, the end result was the first Alliance win, and the start of good Alliance pre-mades. Of course eventually the Alliance pre-made became gay, 2 secs into the battle we had rogues already in the horde keep trying to ninja towers and ninja the horde mine, while the 15 non rogues got wiped out. A couple of us polielty qustioned this specious strat and we were shouted down, at then it happened. A hunter suggested that someone should slap a bitch IRL because of the stupid rogues and bam everbody except that hunter was banned from our future vent home.

Summary - PVP melted Zim's Brain

holy shit dude, I actually found this highly entertaining. Belgium pdophile... LOL. And summoning people to Dire Maul Arena was the most fun i ever had in this game, and you werent invited because you were too busy arguing with Toga about guild stuff. You also forgot to mention that Nove taught you how to play in our initial MC days.

it was 13 valhalla btw noob

BUGS BUGS BUGS BUGS or Don't hate the Historian Hate the History

We last left off with being bored in BWL and waiting for the gates to open for AQ. Blizzard in their infinite wisdom had the gates open at varying times depending on turns in from level 20 instances. Needless to say AQ opened on Deathwing roughly 3 years later then it did on decent servers. But eventually it did open and we were ready.

First up was Skeram https://cid-43c6d3a48c832803.skydrive.l ... Skeram.wmv
In Thalon's defense it was hard to jump onto the ledge while calling strats for the entire raid. I believe we had the server 2nd kill on Skeram on our first attempt. Needless to say I loled after being gone for 6 or 7 months coming back and the fight becoming hit or miss.

The next 2 fights went quick Sartura and Fankriss.
https://cid-43c6d3a48c832803.skydrive.l ... artura.wmv
https://cid-43c6d3a48c832803.skydrive.l ... nkriss.wmv

I don't think we were doing Fanrkiss right, our strat as I remembered was to just clump on the boss and AOE everything down. We all liked to AOE, AOE was all we knew. We would AOE everything for first kills and then never do it again. Euphoris was very pretty and liked to drink paint.

So far AQ was going awesome, we were well ahead of everyone on the server and spirits were high. The first and last real challenge was Princess Huhuaran, oh how I loathed that bitch. Regardless we got too her and we quickly developed a strat, and that strat was to farm Mauradon for Nature Resistance. I was so proud that after our first night of attempts on Huhu that we had at least 73 people in Mauradon trying to get various NR items. Our finest moment came soon and we had the server first Princess kill, weeks before anyone else. Our exact world wide ranking for the kill is subject to debate, I am going to make the final determination and say it was the eleventeenth worldwide kill. Whatever, GMS were watching, so tell me how my level 40 Mauradon NR items taste. The fight was very hard but very doable, our kill was the best execution that we have ever attained. From the tank swaps, to the raid position, to the l33t healing strat we really outdid ourselves. My only regret to this fight was my own ignorance about the shieldwall mechanics, it would have changed healing ALOT. But fuck Zin, his tanking mod wouldn't accept change anyway.

https://cid-43c6d3a48c832803.skydrive.l ... incess.wmv

Anyway that kill was probably my favorite moment playing the game. The following parts not so much.

So HuHu was dead and we were way ahead of everyone else. WHATS NEXT???? Oh yeah horrible horrible trash on the way to the twin emps. I think we needed a raid lockout period just to clear that trash, every single one was a mystery of stay in stay out get ass fucked either way. At least we got the hang of it and could get to the twin emps in a reasonable amount of time once we got used to the trash...



NOT!

up next, failure facism and folly!!!!

BTW if u were around for the next part send me pms with what you remember

Or if you think I have forgotten something in what I have already covered send me a pm and I will try to rectify it.

BTW I am aiming to finish this sometime around 2013...

lol I think this post needs to be here, im guessing it happened sometime during the BWL days....

I must say I am awesome at updating this post in a timely manner.

So we last left off with our guild getting the world eleventeenth kill on Princess Huhuran. Spirits were high and the World (of Warcraft) was our oyster.

Until the next week when we didn't kill her again, and the week after that when we didn't kill her again. Then like 3 years later we killed her again and we spent the rest of the raid lockout wiping on trash before the twin emps. Of course our GM being the competent, sober, paragon of awesome, thought it would be prudent to clear BWL and also do AQ in order not to burn people out.

I also think at this point in time that ZG and AQ 20 were around so most of the serious raiders fit both of those instances into their schedules. To succeed at WoW in those days you had to play 9 days a week (top end guilds expected your family to chip in a couple days) and these were the days before reliable bots, instance ques or deadly boss mods.

Needless to say the guild started to fracture, a guildie and future Nerd Alert superstar ran a ZG with some real life friends and callously excluded a somewhat regular extremely high maintenance priest from coming into the group after it had already been formed(pretty fucked up I know right!). The PVP grind was still going and people would oversleep to miss the start of the pre-made av's and threaten suicide if they weren't allowed in. Our head warlock after years of colluding on loot and practicing his soulstone rotation decided that he would rather play frisbee then tank the twin emps. Our second choice for warlock to tank the twin emps was fresh off an alt after selling his main char (and how rad is that having 39 other people gear your shit up so you can make more money selling your char) and LOL our last MC run was specifically for him to get geared for AQ twin emps tanking but predictably most of the guild hated him for it.

Also from my perspective things got worse and worse. Instead of having to come up with cash for 1 flask for the MT per week we were having to finance flasks on the MT and the OT. Instead of bring your own fire resist pot for Rag because its new and fun and everyone wanted to do it, we had to farm mats for 160 nature resist pots a week because people hated Princess. Oh and after killing a boss that we should have been stuck on for 3 weeks, not being able to kill her was super good for the guilds morale. Attendance started to go down the drain, for the first time people would start to show up for the BWL farm and when it came time to beat our head against AQ 30 people would be online instead of the 60 for BWL night.

The guild leader wanted out, succession plans were talked about and the new guild leader was too be a young hunter that had showed unlimited potential, in fact his mother was a virgin at the time of his birth and his midi chlorian count was off the chart. I have heard prophecy about this hunter and he was the one that was to bring an era of unlimited prosperity, joy and success to the battered members of the p o s e i d o guild.

So of course that hunter wasn't around when the guild leader decided that drinking a fifth of rum before a raid was a prudent idea, and when called out for not performing his or her (you guys have no idea who I'm talking about do you!!!!) assignments, said "Fuck you its yours then". The guild leadership was transferred to a purple shirt wearing wine sipping friend of Dvolt (if you know what I'm saying).

Oh but that wasn't the end....

Awesome.

Wellady wellady welladay, I had subcontracted the next update out to a couple of people who were around while I wasn't, but I think they were too busy jerking each other off, having anal sex with each other, and watching Glee while sucking each other off to update this post. I will let the readers guess which two homos they are (hint: one was already mentioned in this post for having dudes sucking their own dicks in his vent comment...very hetero) (hint: the other ones name is Tark)

So I guess I lost it and snapped, I was sick of playing and instead of bowing out with things in good shape I got drunk and just fucking quit. The funny thing is even when I came back several months later nobody was really surprised, I guess they had become used to my antics.

Anywho, the guild prospered on, and by prospered on killed the same bosses in AQ and never managed to kill the Twin Emps. I guess there were attempts but nothing successful enough to inspire enough enthusiasm or attendance for a kill. I have been told the newly formed guild leadership participated in a twin emps kill with another guild, I have always wondered what happened to the I have dicks in my ass lock out that week. Also the leadership planned to leave and made "a list" of who was going to go to the new guild. I guess they forgot we had already done that 6 months earlier.

They never did it, and as cynical, bitter, sarcastic, caustic and skeptical as I am I was glad they didn't do it. I can only guess at the people that were on the hypothetical "list" but I don't think they would have been happy in a push it to the limit guild. The only people that I know that left during this time for a more "stable" "progressive guild" didn't pan out with their new guilds.

The biggest drama during this time other then me leaving!!!! Was Porsche the mage decided to post the pic of his wife with ginmourous boobs. She eventually ran away with this guy

Oh and to end the time period this update includes the purple shirt wearing friend of dvolt left, not as abruptly as your humble narrator but still pretty fucking abruptly. I don't know if he had thought about his succession plans but nonetheless the guild ended up with a hunter, just not the one you were expecting!

Yeah I know this update sucks but I felt like updating and the next one will be better!